Unfailing Desolation
by jtlw
Summary: Isabella Marie Swan died giving birth to her only child. That child, Renesmee Carlie Cullen now can live her life. But what is a life with no love, and no happiness? Not a oneshot any more!
1. Renesmee: A Life Not Worth Living

A/N: my first angsty one. Needed to try a new direction in my stories, needed some inspiration for my other story. Check it out!

My name is Renesmee Carlie Cullen. I am half vampire, half human. I appear about 17 or 18, but in fact am only 3 or 4. But I am wise for my age.

My human mother died giving birth to me. The pain of loss has never left my house, and it isn't unusual for one small thing to happen that makes everybody want to cry.

The time when I was young, and we were going out to the mall; I turned and asked my dad,

_"_Why is Forks so green?" He looked at me, and I saw the look he always got when I reminded him of my mother. I never got an answer, and it never mattered. I turned to look out the window.

Then there were the stronger, more painful things that happened.

Like the first time my vampire father dared to play my mother's lullaby after she died. It was so beautiful, but he told me he had altered it. More pain, and more love had been poured into it, he said. The love he was supposed to give my mother for the rest of eternity. He never finished that song, and it was hard to tell where his pain ended, and everyone else's began.

I felt the worst for Uncle Jasper. He had to deal with all of our emotions combined. He actually left for almost a year, to train with the Volturi to become strong enough to turn his power off. I don't think he ever turned it back on once he learned.

I cry every single night. I remember being in the womb, though I am not sure why. Grandpa Carlisle says that it's because I am special. I wish I wasn't special. Maybe my mother wouldn't have left us. I loved her, and I remember how happy she was to hear that when my father told her. The joy is so painful now.

I do have Aunt Rosalie, though. She always tries to be there, and I can tell she loves me. But, she is too pushy. She will never be close to my mother.

I know my father wants to die. But I am the binding rope, the only thing that he would stay for. He does it for me, and I know that. But, his death would hurt a lot less then the pain I know he is going through. Do you know how it feels to put someone so selfless in so much pain just for you? It hurts. He loves me, but he loves the vision of dying and being with his true love once more.

I have a shell of a family. My father was the center of the family. My mother was his whole world. When she died, he did too. All that's left is a pile of misery in a body that only functions. Not lives. Grandma Esme can't bear that he is like that, which offsets Grandpa Carlisle. He is the base of the family. When he falls, everything does.

Jacob. I love him. The only light in my life, no matter how bright that light is. It isn't bright. He is almost as bad as my family. I can barely believe he loves me when he says it does.

He has called me Bella or Bells 9 times, and almost called me Bella almost thirty times. Do you know how that feels? To have the person who is _made for you_ get stolen because of your mother who died and stole the rest of your life with it.

Sometimes I hate her so much.

Sometimes I cry so much I feel like I want to die too.

The pain of having no real life is unbearable. It's all a hoax, all the 'love' I get in my family, or with Jacob. I love Jacob so much it hurts, and imprinting was not supposed to hurt, because both people were supposed to want each other. But he would trade the love he could have with me to have her alive, even though he wasn't his to have. I wish she was never born, because not living at all would be better then this sometimes.

I remember the last time we laughed in this house. Afterward, everyone was angry with himself or herself for being happy.

The hurt of not having her is bad too. I knew how happy everybody would be if she was here and not me. Whenever I think about that I cry. I pray to God, that this is just my dad's bad dream and he will wake up to his love, and I will not exist.

Though my family thinks God doesn't exist because he made us like this, and because he took Bella. I disagree. Maybe I'm supposed to be here. Is that wrong, for someone like me to be here while my mother is dead and gone?

I once saw something horrible when I was younger. I had put my hand up to my dad's cheek to tell him something. I saw my mother, lying on a table. It was right after she died giving birth to me. Her face was twisted in pain and her stomach had been torn out. All I could think was I caused that. It's entirely my fault. My dad knew I saw that, and he saw me run away, crying hysterically. He never followed me to comfort me. I didn't deserve it.

She was beautiful, alive and wholesome. I see pictures of her, she simply lights up the room.

But here I sit, a waste of space. Waiting, until something happens to clear up my unfailing desolation.

A/N: good? Bad? No flames, please!!!!!


	2. Edward: My Greatest Pain

A/N: Renesmee was never given the name Nessie. She is very different then she would have been. Also, once Bella died, the Cullens refused to speak to Charlie about anything, let alone Bella. So, Charlie fought in court for custody of Renesmee, but obviously lost. Wounded, he moved away and is happily retired and married in the Bahamas. Go Charlie!

EdPOV

I have nothing. I have no love. I have no reason. I have absolutely nothing. Bella was everything to me.

How could I have let her die? It's entirely my fault. I should have never, ever made love to her before her change. Then I wouldn't have any problems. Bella would be here, alive.

Renesmee wasn't worth it. I covered it up though. She didn't know I would much, much rather die. Death was bleak, but in my grey world, bleak was the brightest possibility.

The change to be a vampire compared to this was . . . the most wonderful feeling in the world. I would take that a thousand times over.

Anything for her, my dearest. She's my angel, and my Bella.

Alice's pain was the closest to mine. It didn't compare, oh no, she still had Jasper. Her being was here. All I had was Renesmee, a girl broken from birth. But how could I help her? I couldn't even help myself.

Jasper's torture had been greater then mine. Mine didn't reach his. He had everybody's pain combined, and we thought he was handling well. Until we found him, his hand burning. Attempting suicide. I wish I could do it, but I couldn't. Renesmee kept me here. Sometimes, when it's nighttime and I hear the thoughts of each couple, together, loving each other, I hate Renesmee, the only thing keeping me from being happy.

Emmett's was pretty bad, almost like Alice, but he worked to cover it, He was scared of Rosalie. He had lost his baby sister.

Rosalie. She loved Renesmee, but Renesmee rejected her. Rosalie hadn't cried once over Bella, but she cried a billion times over for Renesmee's rejection.

Esme was miserable over Bella's death, but half of her pain was because of the rest of the family's.

Carlisle was upset, yes, but mainly because I was. He is a great father. I want to feel love for him, but love seems like nothing. Love is what made sweet Bella leave the world. My love. I am a monster.

I regret having Renesmee, but not entirely for the reason you think. Yes she did take away Bella, but it was mostly that she reminds me of Bella, and it hurts. She talks like her, cries like her, and yet looks like me. I regret not being able to give her all the love and support she needs. It must be hard in her situation. She is an outcast in school, like my family was. But none of us can help her.

That was supposed to be Jacob's job. But all he can do is fawn over memories of Bella, and all he thinks about is how he wishes she was alive, even if Renesmee was gone. He was supposed to love her, even if I, her own father, couldn't. And I cant. My love died when Bella breathed her last breath. That breath was given to Renesmee, but she is not Bella. She never will be.

I planned for Bella and I to travel the world. I would introduce her to authors and artists and we would read all the books in the world. Wherever she wanted to go, I would follow. But she went to the one place I could not. California, New York City, Africa, Alaska, Rome, Paris, Italy, and Timbuktu: anywhere she goes I would follow. We could become astronauts and fly to the moon and dance in the craters. We didn't need air, and if it were only the two of us, thirst wouldn't be an issue. We could keep animals in the ship. I wouldn't care.

Every year I would have renewed our marriage. Our love would never die.

But she did die. I fell into that nightmare once more.

_**(A/N: Quotes with italics means that the words are straight from the book. I do not own Stephenie Meyer's creations. Just italicized is what I made up. It was changed to be in Edward's POV) **_

_''The cup Bella had left on the sofa tumbled to one side, the dark red blood spilling out onto the pale fabric._

Automatically, though three other pairs of hands beat her there, Bella bent over, reaching out to catch it.

_There was the strangest, muffled ripping sound from the center of her body._

_'Oh!' she gasped._

_And then she went totally limp, slumping towards the floor. Rosalie caught her in the same instant, before she could fall. I was there, too, hands out, the mess on the sofa forgotten. _

_'Bella?' I asked, then my panic set in._

_A half a second later, Bella screamed._

_It was not just a scream; it was a blood-curdling shriek of agony. The horrifying sound cut off with a gurgle, and her eyes rolled back in her head. Her body twitched, arched in Rosalie's arms, and then Bella vomited a fountain of blood.'' _

_"Bella!" I screamed, and I swept her out of Rosalie's arms and carried her up to the library. There was a mini hospital room set up there. _

_There was a ripping sound. Bella's womb, then her delicate flesh. A small head emerged. I felt almost disgusted, but then remembered how much Bella loved this thing._

_"Take it Jacob!" I cried; him and Rose were the only two in the room. _

_" 'Throw it out the window.' '' I growled in deep frustration and turned to Rose. Her eyes were darkening fast, and I realized some much of Bella's blood was spilling everywhere. So much blood. Too much. _

_Jacob ran at her, and secured his arms around her waist. She growled, sounding like an angry panther. She didn't struggle, and Jacob carried her down to Alice and Jasper._

_I placed the baby on the floor. What else was I supposed to do with it?_

_I turned back to Bella. All of that had happened in a matter of seconds. I heard Rosalie's thoughts. _

_I'm calm. I'm taking the baby._

_Jacob entered the room._

_"CPR. Now Jacob, before I kill you." He hesitated, and I heard menacing growls. Were they really coming from me? He didn't move._

_Then I heard it. Or rather I didn't. The small, racing heartbeat just stopped._

_"Bella!" I roared, and jammed the venom straight into her heart. She didn't move. _

_"No, no, no, no… NO!" I bit her wrists and her neck and her ankles. I must have bit her at least ten times, before I felt a hand on my back._

_"Edward. Son… she's gone. Venom can't bring back the dead." Carlisle's voice was calm. Jacob was shaking, and he glared at me, before sprinting trembling away._

_"Do you even care?" I screamed at Carlisle. "You sound like you're talking about some patient. This is Bella!" I turned to see Esme crying in the doorway. I roared at them._

_"Get! Out!" Carlisle gave me a sorrowful look and turned and walked over to Esme. He touched her back, and it hurt me. He thought about how much he loved Esme, and it hurt me._

_I slammed the library door, and prowled around the shelves. Looking at books, ripping them off the shelves. I flipped through them. There had to be something. I ran to the computer, searching the Internet. Nothing to bring back the sweet, trusting girl. I went back to her body. I bit her again and again. No heartbeat. Nothing. I went downstairs, and Rosalie was the only one there. Everybody else was in his or her rooms. _

_"Is that all you care about?" I screamed at her. She looked at me, then the baby. She glared at me, and then got up and went to feed it some blood._

_"It's a girl. Renesmee Carlie Cullen. Unless you want to name it something else?" She said from the kitchen._

And there was the Volturi, a visit I had wanted to avoid, especially since our mourning.

A/N: Edward wishes was Bella, and that he could find solace in her. He wants her to take Bella's place, and change to look like Bella, act like Bella, and be Bella. But, no one can be who they're not.

Part Two of Edward next chapter!


	3. Edward: The Volturi Came

A/N: How stupid of me!!! Last chapter I forgot to dedicate the chapter to my reviewer who gave me the idea!!!! So, I will dedicate this chapter to MiloKit, for being the ONLY person who reviewed for last chapter. Very upsetting =. There were 4 last time! With 36 Hits and 35 Visitors for that chapter, there has to be more!!!! Also, .., who was the one who inspired me to continue the story, which was originally a one-shot. Please, please, please review!!! I wasn't going to update, but I was feeling creative and did not want to waste this rush of ideas c:

EdPOV

_They came on the first day the snow stuck to the ground. Just like Alice said, right before she left. _

_The Volturi came with mind-blowing numbers. The wives had left the castle, which shocked everyone. Most were witnesses, but since they were all against the 'evil baby', we all knew that they would step in if they were needed. _

_We stood absolutely no chance. _

_First, Aro made a big speech, stating the law, and if we gave up Renesmee, nobody would be harmed. One of his guards shielded his one thought. The guard's power was weak, he could only shield one thought for one person at a time. That way, I didn't know if that was truth. He asked where his favorite little Alice was, and we told him she left as soon as she knew they were coming._

_Carlisle then spoke for our side. He explained that Bella and I were mates, and a human woman and a male vampire could conceive a child. That's where Renesmee came in. _

_Aro then grew curious. "Where is Bella?" he asked. I struggled to stay upright. No bending over in agony. _

_"Bella, died. She passed away since her body couldn't bear containing and birthing a strong vampire." I said, and I heard my voice crack in pain._

_Shock flitted across his features, and he ordered me forward._

_"No, you're lying. You don't want to turn her." He said, almost angrily. "Come to me!" _

_I came forward, and reached out. Our hands met, and immediately he saw the truth._

_"She's a monster!" he cried. I didn't know why I did it, but I had to protect her._

_"No." I said firmly. "Human mothers die all the time giving birth the human babies. It is not the child's fault. She did not ask to be created. If you must kill, it is I you want." I closed my eyes, tipped my head back, and spread my arms wide. "Go ahead." I felt how vulnerable my throat was. Instinct roared at me to cover it and retreat._

_"Sounds good to me," snarled Jane, and I heard them go down to a crouch. I imagined Jane, smiling satanically, about to fix the pain-bringing stare to me. I would join Bella now…_

_"Not so fast, Edward." Alice's clear voice rang across the ceiling. My eyes snapped open. Aro beamed._

_"We have someone that can help this 'trial'. Nahuel." She announced proudly, smiling for the first time in a while. _

_Nahuel stepped forward and told his story. He explained how they didn't even know he existed, and that's how much he was like a normal vampire. _

_Aro turned to his guard, and ordered him to lower the mind shield. I then heard his thoughts._

_'I want her in my ranks, Edward. I will come back, when she has reached the age of 7. I will judge then. Be careful.' _

_He then said out loud, "Farewell my friends. Sorry for the inconvenience!" They turned and marched away. It was astounding._

And now I fear. I never told anyone they would come back for her. What would they think of me, agreeing to that?

I wish they had killed me then. It would have been easier on my family, especially since I plan to end all of this soon enough.

A/N: Reveiws=Chapters!! Or is so bad that nobody wants to read it?? I'll fix it if it is!

Is his name Nahuel? Couldn't remember…


	4. Renesmee: Hope

A/N: here's the next one and it is Nessie's POV

RePOV

I knew happiness had to be out there. I read books; I find solace in chartrooms and pretend to be normal. It's nice. Not having to have your mother's death hanging over you.

I'm so thankful that my mother passed one thing to me. I can block my mind from my dad when I want to. It's not permanent, but it will work. Block it long enough to form a plan and leave this cruddy life.

I am going to go where they would least expect it. It's far, seeing as we live in New Jersey now. I am going to California because it's very sunny there. They wouldn't look there. I only glow in the sun, not sparkle, but it is not really that noticeable. I can pull off human.

I log onto Carlisle's computer; thankfully the whole family knows the password in case something ever happens to Carlisle. On his computer, there is a website only a vampire can access, and you can create new identities. They have vampires high in politics so they can help the rest of us stay secretive.

I began to create one for myself, making myself 21. I make my self an adopted child whose adopted parents passed away. After they died, I'll pretend the rest of my 'family' deserted me, so I don't have to worry about being badgered for being alone... well if I can make friends to badger me. I would love to have a friend. I fill out the rest of the things, and hope finally blossoms within me.

I pressed 'Done' when I was finished creating the mock identity. My new name was Ashley Hart. I am 21, with a birthday on May 2nd. I took all the money from my Renesmee Cullen college account and put it into my Ashley Hart account. I did it on the computer so Edward would not be able to walk into the bank and know exactly what I did by reading someone's mind.

I went online, and bought a ticket to California on the nearest plane. It leaves today in about five hours. Pays to have loads of money.

I then accessed the family's bank account. We had barely used money in the past four years. Before that, money was spent and gained dramatically. They definitely changed when she died. I took out a lot of money, not caring if they noticed. They checked once a week, and Carlisle checked two days ago. A new page opened up, explaining what I needed to do when I got to the airport. I printed off my itinerary, and then deleted all the information on the computer.

I picked a book up off of my mother's old bookshelf, which had a thick layer of dust on it. I carried it out, pretending I only went in there for the book. I walked nonchalantly to my room, but I knew that even if someone saw me panicking and scrambling around they wouldn't really care.

I walked into my room, and turned on music. Loud music so they don't hear my packing. I pull out the biggest suitcase we own, and pile everything I can into it. Clothes mostly, but some hair stuff and a toothbrush with some toothpaste. I can buy other stuff there. I pack my purse with makeup and pens and paper, taking the hundreds of bills from under my mattress and placing them in my wallet. I jump out of the window, and look around carefully. Nobody notices I'm leaving. I use the backpack straps on my suitcase and pull it on. I began to run in the darkness of early morning.

I stop first at the address the identity website told me about. It's especially for vampires, so if we need to flee at night something is open. I introduce myself as Ashley Hart, explaining that I needed to see the man in charge. The receptionist, seeing my eyes, gives me a wink. Her vampire teeth shine in the bright office lights.

She leads me back, where I meet Mr. Rod, and he too is a vampire. He hands me my new birth certificate, and all the other papers I need for my identity. I manage to charm him, and he swears that his receptionist will never let my crazy 'ex' (Edward) and his psycho family in his office (the rest of the Cullens).

My next stop is the bank, and I get a new credit card, which is essential for this plan. I get a checkbook for my account also.

It has been two and a half hours when I reach the airport. I check in, check my obnoxiously large bag (I easily handed it to the buff man checking it, and he almost dropped it, shocked at its weight), and sit down at the terminal. It is a small wait, and not too many people are on my plane. We get called to board a half an hour late, but I don't mind. I finally feel like the weight of my family is off my chest. I wonder if they noticed I've gone…

I close my eyes and open them to the first stop. I easily switch planes after a quick wait, then fall asleep on that plane. I switch one more time, and that ride I am lost in thought, unable to sleep. I finally reach California.

I step off the plane, and instantly fall in love with the warmth that lingers in the evening. I can't wait until morning, when the summer sun will beat down, and I can walk freely under it.

I have all the energy in the world, and I catch a cab to Long Beach. It takes about a half an hour to get there, and I tip the fat, old, driver generously. I can't help but feel happy. It seemed so wrong to be happy in New Jersey, but here it is like the most wonderful feeling in the world.

I run, vampire speed to the ocean. I plop down on the sand, lean back on my elbows. I watch the waves roll, and I want to go jump into the water. But, I needed to eat, and my stomach croaked loudly in agreement.

The first place I see, 555 East Restaurant, I walk into, and I can smell everything being cooked. Smells good. I order a rare steak with some side dish the waiter recommended, and a glass of water. I lean back against my chair, and enjoy this one night of spoiling myself. I need to be careful with my money; there may be a lot of it now, but who knows what might happen.

I ignore the waiter flirting with me, and politely decline the paper napkin with his number. I don't tip a lot; I would have enjoyed my meal more without having him hover.

I check into a motel, and can't help but notice some guy leering at me. I look down at myself, dressed in simple shorts and a white shirt, and shake my head. Perverts.

I step into my room, and fall asleep on the hard bed, probably disgustingly dirty with some cheap one-night stand.

The next morning, I stop in a cute little bakery and get breakfast; enjoying the show a girl about my (Ashley) age teasing a guy who I was pretty sure was gay.

"Um, hello." I said, trying not to sound rude and interrupt them crudely. "I'm new here, and I stayed at some cruddy motel last night, and I don't really want to go there again. Is there someplace where I could get a little apartment?" I ask, unnerved by the way they are staring at me.

"Your hair!" The guy cries, and the girl swat him. "Shower! And white is not your color, makes you look so pale!" I am taken aback, and murmur an okay, before turning to leave.

"Wait," the girl cries, "Apologize Anthony!" I turn back around, and open my mouth to say something.

"I'm sorry, darling! Its just your hair is so fabulous; it needs to be taken care of. And I can tell underneath this layer of dirt is beauty. Forgive me?" He pouts, and I want to laugh. Gay guys are awesome.

"Its okay, I just had to leave somewhere fast, and I didn't plan too well, and got stuck at that motel." Plus, I didn't want to spend too much at a fancy hotel.

"Well, me and Anthony live together, he's my best friend, and we have an apartment together. I'm Violet, by the way. But, oh, I could give you directions to the building and you could ask our landlady if she has any open apartments." I nodded happily. She handed me the directions to the place. They offered to hold my suitcase until I got back, and I helped them carry it into the back.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

When I got back I was scared to see they had closed shop, but relieved they were sitting at a table by the open window. They stood up as they saw me coming.

"You walked there?" they asked, shocked. It was a decent distance away.

"No," I lied. "Just halfway there then halfway back. Got a cab the rest. Thanks so much though. I got a little one that's perfect for me."

"No problem," she says. "Want to ride back with us?" It's really not a big deal… I thought. Maybe she could be my friend; and maybe Anthony could too. Well, that is if they don't think I'm horrible like my family does.

"Oh, well since it's your apartment building too then I guess its fine. I just don't want to take advantage of you." She pushed her hair back impatiently.

"Of course not, sweetie. I can tell we are going to be fabulous friends." My heart swelled. Together we dragged my suitcase to her trunk and lifted it.

I could tell life was going to be good here.

XxXxXxXxXxX

I slept on the ground in my new apartment, but that was okay.

The next day I had a lot of priorities. All that was left in my bare apartment was the toilet, sink, bathtub/shower, fridge, cabinets, and counters. Oh, and a rotting apple in the corner of the room.

There was a full bathroom, a small kitchen, a center room where I could probably fit a table for eating along with a couch and a TV.

I needed to shop. Since it would take the longest to get the furniture delivered, I decided that came first. There was a huge furniture store that had the basics, so I figured I could start there and see what I could find. Before I left, I noticed a note lying on the floor. I picked it up.

_Darling,_

_We figured food was something you needed, so here's a bagel and a coffee. Sorry if it isn't that warm. Open the door._

Anthony

I smiled and pulled it open. There was a small brown bag and a cup sitting next to it. It was cold. I turned on the oven and place the cup on the microwave that I would probably need to replace.

As I was walking out, I realized I had no car. I flipped open my phone and dialed.

Wait. My phone. There was a tracking device in my phone. I remember they did that in case I lost it. But they had lost me. I hung up, and threw the phone onto the ground. It shattered.

"Such a shame." A voice said. I looked up. It was a cab driver, leaning against his car smoking. "I would have taken it." I smiled nervously. Had I thrown it to hard? He checked his watch, and threw his cigarette on the ground, putting it out with his foot.

"Break's over. Need a ride?" I nodded, smiling tentatively.

"Name's Bob. You mute? Or quiet?" I began to shrug, then laughed.

"Nope. Just overwhelmed. I got here last night. Need to go throw money away on furniture. " We climbed in the car.

"So you want the furniture mega-store." He said, and drove off, and was a pretty good driver.

"Yes." I said. He pulled something out of his pocket at a red light.

"Here's my card. Call me if you need a ride, or if you need anything. You look younger then my 18-year-old niece, and that's something. She's very small."

"Twenty-one with the license to prove it." I said, but he looked like he didn't quite believe me.

We chatted aimlessly for the rest of the ride, and he was pretty good company. No pushing about my past or anything. He pulled up, and warned me to be careful, buy a new phone, and let his be the first one in it. I smiled, and tipped generously.

I walked in, and sighed. Where to start?

"Hello! I'm Kevin and I want you to help me help you. What are you looking for?" I about screamed when a string bean like guy popped up.

"A bed." I said, scared to death. He smiled, and led the way, humming happily.

"Here you go. I'll be right back, I'm just going to check with the other customers in this area." He disappeared as fast as he appeared earlier.

I looked around and saw a pretty one. It was white metal, with a patterned headboard. I went over to the bed, and saw the little card you picked up to take to the register with you. I took one, and left the area before Kevin was back. I followed the signs to the mattress area. I tested all the ones that would fit into my double sized bed, and liked the last one I tried. However, an older woman who was also looking at mattresses confided Sleepy's: The Mattress Professionals were much better. I thanked her, and left to look at tables. I found one I liked, it was a decent size, and had a way to make it bigger or smaller. I picked up a card for that also.

Before I left I had gotten the bed, a plain yellow bedspread and sheets, the kitchen table, an end table, a lamp, a TV and a stand, a couch, a bookcase, and a couple of decorations and curtains. It cost a lot but I needed it. I also needed a job.

Next stop was Sleepy's store. I went, and found a nice mattress for a very much-haggled price. Well, all it really took was bending down to get my purse, and then smiling up at the poor guy. Oh well.

Only two more stops to go to, the appliance store for new microwave, and then the food store.

The appliance store was boring and took much longer then necessary. It was mid-afternoon and I was starving when I got out of there.

I decided to wait and get a nice dinner for one. A microwavable meal parked in front of my new TV. I had paid to have everything they could deliver today. I could sleep on the floor if I needed to.

At the food store, I bought all the basics. Well, basically I bought like a bachelor. Stuff I liked won over healthier, harder to make things, and I bought plenty of frozen meals. I also bought a lot to clean my apartment with.

I got home (driven by Bob) and he helped me bring the stuff in. I thanked him, paid him, tipped him, and ignored his scolding about sleeping on the floor.

I cleaned the fridge fast, then put the groceries away. I had just put my meal in the microwave to cook when there was a knock at the door. I opened it to see two buff men.

"Hello." I said trying to act like the hotter one's staring at me did not affect me at all. The other one spoke.

"We came to deliver your furniture. We have all of it because this shrimp that works there, Kevin," I shuddered. "He paid for it." I nodded, and held the doors open for them as they carried everything up. An hour later, they had brought everything up, and helped me set up my TV.

"Thanks so much." I said, and they were panting slightly from carrying the things up the stairs. I could have done it easier.

"No problem." The hotter one said, and smiled. "See you around." They turned and left, and I ate my warmed up twice meal in front of the TV on the new couch. Tomorrow was job day. This would be fun.

A/N: job suggestions???


	5. Things Can Change? Part One

A/N: sorryyyyy… don't worry. I wont try to make excuses =c

JUST A REMINDER!! SHE WILL BE REFERRED TO AS ASHLEY. I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE, BECAUSE I KNOW AT ONE PONT I WILL PROBABLY ACCIDENTALLY MAKE SOMEONE CALL HER RENESMEE. SHE IS STILL ASHLEY UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.

NPOV

"I'm Guy. How can I help you?" his voice was deep, and I had to admit he was handsome.

"I'm Ashley. Ashley Hart." He motioned to the chair.

"Take a seat." I inclined, tucking my brand new dress underneath me. I had needed something to wear. This was my last interview of the day. As it turned out, I had put off job-hunting for a day and went clothes shopping. I had put all the finishing touches on my apartment also. I was in need of money.

"So you are here for the position of….?"

"Typist/secretary." My voice was quiet. What if he hated me? Would he not hire me? He speaking cut off my worried thoughts.

"Do you have a résumé?" Oh no…

"Actually… I have no work experience. Or references. But I can show you my typing skills." I offered. I wasn't going to get this job.

"Be my guest." He leaned back in his swivel chair and gestured to the computer. There was a word document typed up, with the same paragraph repeating. I assumed it was from the other people going for the job.

"And would you like me to type this or something different?" He answered back to type the same thing. I began to type rapidly, partly using my vampire speed. He made no sign of acknowledging this. I finished, and stood up.

"Leave your number. We'll call you." I wrote it down, feeling his apologetic stare on my back as I left. He couldn't hire me, not without a résumé. I walked out, dejected.

"Hey! I know you! Do you work here?" I turned to see Violet charging at me, still impatiently pushing her hair out of her face.

"Hi Violet. Do you work here?" She shook her head, rolling her eyes. I didn't answer her question.

"I would never work her. All the men are gay. " My eyes widened.

"I'm just kidding. That wouldn't influence anything, even if that was true. My boyfriend, Rick, works here.

"Yeah, I'm on the job hunt." I answered her earlier question.

"You could try… No, you wouldn't want that."

"I really need money."

"Okay, well here it is. My mom… she's a manager at the morgue, and my dad's a plumber. I'm sure they could use a hand…" she trailed off.

"I'll take it." She looked surprised.

'Which one?"

"The plumber."

"Ew. But all right. Would you like to go pay a visit to my parents?"

"Sure. They're not at work?" I inquired. It was after the typical lunch hour, most people were back at their jobs by now.

"Even they need days off." I blushed. Obviously.

XxXxXxXx

When we got there, her dad was sleeping on the couch and her mom was baking cookies. They both had grey hair and wrinkles.

"They had me last. They were kind of old. I have three older brothers." I nodded, looking at the pictures that were adorned everywhere. This place was homey, lived in, and warm. Is this what a real family was like?

"That's cool." She led me into the kitchen, being greeted by a hug from her mom who smelled like…love. There were two small kids, grandchildren I presumed.

"Grandma! The cookies done yet?" The older one cried, kicking his feet under the table.

"Not yet. Patience, dear." Her voice was soft. "And who is this?"

"I'm Ashley." I said. She looked me up and down.

"Call me Mary Anne. You're too pretty. Girls are better off large, robust, and almost unpleasant to look at." I didn't quite grasp her logic, but I didn't say anything.

"Tsk, tsk. And too quiet!" she turned to Violet. "How long have you known her? You need to rub off on her."

"Not very long. Don't worry, if she spends enough time here, she will be more than large. And I don't think there's a way to make her look 'unpleasant'. She's almost inhumanly beautiful!" I laughed anxiously with them, although their laughter was light and carefree.

" So, mom, Ashley's looking for a job. How's Dad doing? Does he need any help?"

"Only part time. That isn't enough financial support. I'm all good at the morgue… maybe Caleb has an opening? Or Greg? I think Tommy's all booked up…" she trailed off.

"Daddy says he needs more hands." Shrieked the older child, a blonde boy, at the table. "She could be his hands. I'm sure Daddy wouldn't care since she's so pretty."

"Mommy would…" said the younger child. She had dark red hair, and was very serene compared to her brother.

"Quiet, squirts." Violet teased.

"What does their father do?" I inquired.

"Their father is Greg, he's the oldest. He is a real estate broker." Mary Anne answered.

"Why are we talking about me?" a voice said behind me. I turned to see a short man wearing an attractive suit. He held himself so assuredly; you could tell he was very confident.

"Hi daddy!" the two kids chorused.

"Ashley, this is Greg. Greg, Ashley. Ashley needs a job; she's a new friend of Violet's. If you have room for her…." Said another voice behind me. It was Ashley's father. I guess he had been listening from the other room.

'I'm Ashley's father. You can call me sir."

"Okay… sir." I had never called anyone that before. Violet rolled her eyes.

"Don't listen to him. He's crazy."

"Well, Ashley," said Greg." It just so happens that I was handing my business over to my buddy, Connor. He said he would prefer to have a partner. I guess I can stop my search. I'll just give him a call and let him know."

My mind whirled. Her family was so open and helpful, and teasing. I could feel the tears threatening to build up in my eyes.

"Wow… Thank you all so much. I appreciate this, all of it."

"Honey, we haven't done anything. What are you doing tomorrow night? Would you like to come for dinner? I'm going shopping tomorrow so I can buy and make whatever you'd like." My mind drifted back to Esme's burnt, inedible food. No homesickness pangs filled my stomach. And then it hit me.

I didn't miss them. Not at all. In fact, relief was an overwhelming emotion. They hadn't found me yet. And I had a feeling that they weren't even looking. I could make a new home here, all the proof I needed was in my apartment, and in Ashley's house. I wasn't Renesmee Carlie Cullen anymore.

My name's Ashley Hart now. I am a young woman, with a new job in real estate (most likely). I had found someone I could see myself being friends with, and maybe even two people. These people could be like family. And, most of all, I hadn't caused death for the only thing that mattered to my family here. I was still guilty, insanely accountable, but no one knew that here. I would just put it aside. A slow warmth spread in my chest. Happiness was a strange emotion for me. It was unusual to feel anything like it at home. Home was my shadow, where warmth and sun disappeared. Only, ugly, gnarled things could grow there. And even if they did grow, it would be deformed, and _wrong_. I myself was _wrong_. Yet, maybe here, with sun and love and happiness, I could be something else. Just like the ugly duckling. I could transform, like an old caterpillar to a beautiful butterfly. Or, like how stale bread can make the best stuffing. And like-

My thoughts were cut off by Violet laying her hand on my shoulder.

"Ashley? You okay in there?" I snapped back to reality, a smile faintly showing on my lips.

"Yes. I'm just fine."

A/N: I had to cut this one short. With the next part, it sounded too lengthy with this part. It'll be up soon though.


End file.
